E-Mail This Article to a Friend 2006 sports predictions, continued

In the college-football championship game, the January 4 Rose Bowl, Texas engineers a mild upset of USC, winning 75-72 in three overtimes. Reggie Bush runs for 471 yards in the loss. After soundly defeating Florida State in the Orange Bowl (no way I’m calling it the FedEx Orange Bowl), beloved Penn State coach Joe "Pa" Paterno announces he plans to retire in 2020.

Some of the biggest football news is made in the booth when, after 36 years on ABC, Monday Night Football migrates to ESPN. After trying several combinations, the all-sports network decides to replicate the famous Howard Cosell/Don Meredith/Frank Gifford chemistry by hiring Billy Crystal, Billy Bob Thornton, and Doug Flutie to broadcast the games. The trio is entertaining enough, and the sports-media world is abuzz with rumors that Thornton is knocking down several Wild Turkeys during the halftime intermission. But ratings continue to sag.

NUMBER 33 RETURNS

On the hardwood, it’s difficult for the new-look Celtics to generate any real momentum or interest in the 2006 season. Halfway through the campaign, they are a disappointing 17-23. Still, playoff hopes run high, since that puts them right in the thick of things in the highly competitive and wildly entertaining Atlantic Division with Philly (18-22), New Jersey (19-21), the Knicks (16-24), and Toronto (12-28). With fan interest in the club dwindling, however, the Celtic owners make a popular move by replacing executive director of basketball operations Danny Ainge with the legendary Larry Bird. Bird admits he can’t improve the Green immediately. But the team benefits anyway by charging an extra $5 per ticket at home games to fans who show up early to watch Bird shoot H-O-R-S-E against the leading scorer on the opposing team. By season’s end, Bird’s record in those contests is 41-1. The one blemish on the record is a hard-fought two-hour contest against Kobe Bryant.

The meek inherit the earth when the NBA finals roll around and the LeBron James–led Cleveland Cavaliers defeat the Elton Brand–led Los Angeles Clippers in six games. The bad news is that the last game of the NBA championship series is beaten in the ratings by TV Land’s all-night Sanford and Son–athon.

HOCKEY

Who cares.

OTHER NOTABLE MOMENTS IN 2006

• Yes, the 2006 Torino Olympics is a gorgeous spectacle of winter splendor and, as usual, the only event shown on prime-time television is 50 straight hours of the "chick sport" of figure skating. Tragedy does strike, however, when a bullet fired by a member of the US biathlon team goes astray, severely wounding the top scorer on the Ukranian curling team. (I actually don’t even know if or how you score in curling.)

• Steroid truth-teller, Juiced author, and Surreal Life contestant Jose Canseco is elected to a US House seat from Florida, running on the catchy campaign slogan: "I didn’t lie to Congress, I won’t lie in Congress."

• The moribund heavyweight division in boxing gets a big lift when John "The Quiet Man" Ruiz packs it in after being presented with a petition from one million pay-per-view and premium-cable fans begging him to retire on aesthetic grounds. After getting in shape while filming Rocky Balboa (a/k/a Rocky VI), 60-year-old Sylvester Stallone manages to wangle a boxing license from the Nevada State Athletic Commission. He is immediately ranked ninth in the heavyweight division by Ring magazine and signs on with Don King. By year’s end, he is booked for a $20 million fight against comebacking 57-year-old George Foreman in a battle billed "Rock of Aged."

• Boston sports-radio giant WEEI has a year of upheaval and turmoil. Morning host Gerry Callahan leaves when he is tapped to replace Rush Limbaugh, who finally gets convicted on "doctor shopping" charges. Big Show host Glenn Ordway is let go after a nasty contract dispute in which "The Big O" contends he is entitled to 30 vacation weeks per year. The station’s image is also tarnished by a nasty in-studio brawl between its two resident baseball experts — the Herald’s Steve Buckley and the Providence Journal’s Sean McAdam — after a vehement disagreement over who was the greatest switch-hitting utility infielder ever to wear number 52. Tragically, the career of zany new nighttime host Mike Adams comes to a premature end after he locks himself inside a westbound–Mass Pike tollbooth at the Auburn exit for 14 straight days. By year’s end, station owner Entercom throws in the towel, opting for a new "advice show" format built around a drive-time program on pet health care.

• And finally, under a barrage of harsh criticism, the New York Times Company divests its ownership stake in the Red Sox when the Boston Herald reports that Sox owner John Henry was one of the key advisers counseling Times chairman Arthur Sulzberger Jr. and executive editor Bill Keller to wait a year before breaking the story of the Bush administration’s domestic spying.

Mark Jurkowitz can be reached at mjurkowitz[a]phx.com.