E-Mail This Article to a Friend 2006 sports predictions Dodgers win the Series! Bird plays H.O.R.S.E.! Congressman Canseco! We have seen the future of sports (and its name is Tony Graffanino). BY MARK JURKOWITZ

"Wait till next year." That plaintive cry — which originated with snake-bitten Brooklyn Dodgers rooters in the 1950s — is now a rallying point for disappointed sports fans everywhere. In Boston, 2005 didn’t bring as many blessings as the previous year, what with the Sox going out early in the playoffs and the Patriots facing incredible adversity and numbing injuries. (Although their season is far from over.)

While 2006 may not bring the Red Sox another World Series or get more than three people to watch the Bruins on TV, it will be a topsy-turvy year of spills, thrills, and chills. And there is only one thing we know for sure: Manny will be Manny.

A FLAG FOR LA-LA LAND

The 2006 baseball season starts out poorly for the Red Sox. Theo Epstein declines another entreaty to rejoin the front office in order to head up the fledging "Kerry ’08" presidential campaign. That breeds trouble when ace pitcher Curt Schilling responds by threatening to retire in order to become press secretary for Mitt Romney’s White House bid. (Schilling is talked out of the move only when WEEI agrees to give him his own weekend show, bumping the likable "Preacher and Teacher" combo of Larry Johnson and Craig Mustard.)

To the disgust of Red Sox Nation, Johnny Damon gets off to a torrid start for the Yankees, finding that short right-field porch to his liking and belting 10 homers in the first month of the season. Soon, he is the toast of the Apple, his clean-cut visage adorning billboards in Times Square. He becomes a regular guest on Imus in the Morning, and begins holding forth on politics with the I-Man’s favorite pundits, Tim Russert and Howard Fineman.

At the same time, Manny Ramirez, whose trade demands cannot be met, grudgingly shows up, but his heart is clearly not in it. In a classic case of "Manny Being Manny," he spends one entire game inside the Green Monster wall rather than manning his position in left field. Forced to go with only eight defenders on the Fenway diamond, the Sox are mauled by the woeful Devil Rays 27-6. Manager Terry Francona promises to talk to Manny soon about his "unorthodox defensive positioning."

Given baseball’s tougher policy on performance-enhancing drugs, a number of players enter the 2006 season with that suddenly shrunken Sammy Sosa and Pudge Rodriguez look — claiming, of course, that they "ate better" and hired new personal trainers during the off-season. Barry Bonds returns to the Giants healthy and raring to go. But in a stunning development, Bonds, ensnared in the BALCO case, is arrested by Pac Bell security guards while rounding third base after blasting home run number 714, which would have tied him for second place all time with Babe Ruth. Because he never stepped on home plate, he is officially awarded a triple and remains in third place on the homer list. A shell-shocked Commissioner Bud Selig mutters something about "the integrity of the game."

But it’s the crackdown on amphetamines, or greenies, that really begins to affect play in 2006. Forced to function on adrenaline alone, the average starter now tosses an average of 75 pitches a game before requiring relief. Stolen bases decrease by 50 percent (who has the energy?) and the Detroit Tigers actually forfeit a game when the players vote not to play the second half of a rainout make-up double-header. Meanwhile, baseball is forced to consider a midnight curfew for games when Players Association boss Don Fehr complains that his union members "need their beauty sleep."

The balance of power continues to shift in the American League. The Red Sox, forced to go with Tony Graffanino at shortstop and Bubba Crosby (a preseason pick-up from New York) in centerfield, win only 87 games and fail to make the playoffs. The Yankees’ luck sours when Damon injures himself during a Vanity Fair photo shoot and is replaced in center by an aging Bernie Williams. A perennial fan favorite, Williams surprisingly leads American League outfielders in fielding percentage. Unfortunately, that’s because he manages to get his glove on only one fly ball all year. The Yanks sink to third place.

So who wins it all? The newly revamped Los Angeles Dodgers, of course, who defeat the Cleveland Indians in a seven-game series. Derek Lowe wins three games in the Fall Classic, Billy Mueller knocks in the winning run in Game Seven, and Nomar is named both National League Comeback Player of the Year and MVP. But the real story behind the Dodgers is manager Grady Little’s skillful use of his bullpen. Now quick to remove any starter at the first sign of trouble, Little reprises Sparky Anderson’s old nickname of "Captain Hook."

"Why can’t we get someone like Little to run the Red Sox?" bellows NESN studio analyst Kevin Millar, as the Dodgers enjoy their ticker-tape parade along Rodeo Drive.

ANOTHER SUPER BOWL

To absolutely no one’s surprise, the rejuvenated and now healthy Pats make it to Super Box XL (that’s 40), and face the defensively stingy Chicago Bears in a rematch of the infamous 46-10 1986 drubbing. The Bears make it tough on Tom Brady and company, holding them to 220 total yards and only 17 points. But unfortunately for the Monsters of the Midway, the Rex Grossman–Kyle Orton quarterback combo manages to amass only 37 total yards and 0 points. The single biggest offensive play for the Bears is a five-yard encroachment penalty against Willie McGinest in the fourth quarter.

After the game, the players and owner Bob Kraft are ecstatic about their fourth Lombardi trophy in five years. But amid the champagne and celebrating, Coach Bill Belichick is noticeably subdued. When asked what’s on his mind, the coach admits he’s preoccupied with the 2006-2007 exhibition season-opening game against the Detroit Lions. "They’ll be a much improved team and we better not take them for granted," he warns somberly.

Unfortunately, the Patriots’ Super Bowl win is knocked off the next day’s front page in the Globe and Herald by a hastily called Larry Lucchino press conference announcing that the Red Sox have just hired two new interns in their ticket-sales office.