E-Mail This Article to a Friend Wish list, continued

[36] Arnold Schwarzenegger is recalled as governor of California and replaced by Mr. T.

[37] A bird-flu vaccine.

[38] But only after President Bush becomes the only American to contract bird flu.

[39] The return of ManRay.

[40] Pat O’Brien makes a comeback. A so-fucking-hot comeback. A comeback to make you wanna hire a hooker, get crazy, get some coke.

[41] City-wide Wi-Fi.

[42] Karl Rove’s horns ... and his tail.

[43] The Celtics get Kevin Garnett.

[44] The Bruins get a clue.

[45] No more condo developments or luxury high-rises that suck out Boston’s soul.

[46] The American Family Association chairman knocks up a prostitute and gets caught taking her to the abortion clinic.

[47] Another member of the AFA is caught mounting a deer — we’re not talking on his wall — during hunting season.

[48] Bill Gates discovers Bono is an iPod pitchman and ceases all African charity work with his Time–cover co-star.

[49] A serious attempt is made to help people with substance-abuse and mental-health problems in Massachusetts.

[50] More local weathermen find clever ways to use the word "poontang" in their forecasts.

[51] Sam Yoon loosens his tie and gets jiggy on his first official day as Boston city councilor.

[52] Lieutenant Governor Kerry Murphy Healey says publicly that it’s inappropriate and offensive for the state’s sitting governor publicly to badmouth Massachusetts.

[53] The Metro retires the phrase, "According to Google..." Make a phone call, for fuck’s sake. Your staffers have to write only 20 words a day.

[54] The first of (what we imagine will be) many years of indictments involving corruption on the Big Dig. Let the trials begin!

[55] The Big Dig’s completion — or at least the ability to take the same route twice in a row to our friends’ house in East Boston.

[56] More women professors hired and tenured at local colleges and universities.

[57] Kevin Millar: Red Sox first-base coach.

[58] Weezer’s reclusive frontman Rivers Cuomo ends his two-and-a-half-year self-imposed "celibacy." With your mama.

[59] Davis Square’s Sligo Pub is declared a national landmark.

[60] An Oscar-winning Ben Affleck movie.

[61] Darkbuster dude Lenny Lashley’s fingers grow back.

[62] Mitt Romney admits he’s made of wax.

[63] And wears a toupee.

[64] Dick Cheney admits he’s dickless.

[65] And a bed wetter.

[66] With three nipples.

[67] MBTA Night Owl service is restored.

[68] Triple D’s stays open forever.

[69] Burrito Max returns. Long live barbecued-tofu burritos!

[70] CBS, unable to lure Katie Couric to its nightly newscast, opts for credibility and gravitas and re-hires 89-year-old Walter Cronkite as its lead anchor. Ratings soar. John Henry divorces Couric, marries Cronkite, and adopts Theo.