E-Mail This Article to a Friend Wish list 106 things the Phoenix wants to see in 2006
	MORE » Slideshow • Illustrations from our Wish List

[1] An MBTA Red Line station without a broken escalator.

[2] Someone in the White House who at least pretends we’re still looking for Osama.

[3] Happy hour in Massachusetts.

[4] Dave Chapelle comes back for real. None of this four-episodes-before-a-breakdown crap.

[5] State-sanctioned lap dances.

[6] Early-April X-rays of Johnny Damon’s torn anterior cruciate ligament.

[7] A Red Sox World Series win. (Yeah, another one.)

[8] The year’s feel-good Broadway smash: Stop Snitchin’, featuring a rousing dance number with Tangg da Juice and Boston mayor Thomas M. Menino (played to perfection by Nathan Lane).

[9] Locally owned businesses return to all the vacant storefronts in Harvard Square.

[10] Jennifer Aniston tells People that Brad Pitt has a little penis.

[11] A breakthrough Western combining the campfire scenes in Brokeback Mountain and Blazing Saddles.

[12] The nation’s first double impeachment: president and vice-president.

[13] The long-awaited Sopranos season opens with Tony’s crew in a bloody Brooklyn shootout with the posse from Entourage; Ari Gold survives to become the new head of the family.

[14] Saddam Hussein’s first trial is decided by a Fear Factor challenge. See Saddam play pig-uterus skeeball and rectum-eating games to beat the charges!

[15] Mayor Menino says, "I’m sorry. It’s my fault. Nobody else is to blame."

[16] State-mandated programs allow people to exchange porn in the workplace.

[17] Mr. Butch is hired as head concierge at the Hotel Commonwealth in an effort to bring back the old Kenmore.

[18] The decriminalization of marijuana.

[19] A law requires every American worker to take the same amount of vacation time as the president.

[20] No more compound-word band names (i.e., Coldplay, Yellowcard, Nickelback), unless you’re Deerhoof.

[21] No more "Wolf" bands. AIDS Wolf, We are Wolves, Guitar Wolf, Wolf Parade, Wolf Colonel, Howlin’ Wolf, and Wolf Eyes is enough predatory-canine-name appropriation, thanks.

[22] The Boston Homicide Squad boosts its murder-clearance rate above 50 percent.

[23] Ann Coulter shuts up. And she eats something. Maybe if she were chewing she would stop talking.

[24] Boston becomes friendlier.

[25] And more affordable.

[26] And hipper. (Yeah, we know it’s a dream.)

[27] The MBTA B Line suspends service between Blandford Street and Packard’s Corner. You can walk.

[28] The real Jessica Simpson/Bam Margera video.

[29] The Combat Zone is resuscitated. Don’t you miss a little XXX on your lunch break?

[30] "Trapped in the Closet (Chapter 57)": Rufus, Bill O’Reilly, and a loofa.

[31] Karl Rove: indicted.

[32] Dick Cheney: indicted.

[33] US withdrawal from Iraq.

[34] Followed by a successful independent government operating in Iraq.

[35] Having withdrawn from Iraq — and with John McCain now serving as vice-president — President Bush re-funds the National Endowment of the Arts, beginning with a $500 million grant for an arts/cultural center at Ground Zero.